So Its been a while since I have written anything, my life has become a crazy world of toddler right now! My baby is nearly 1 and the last year has been the most amazing, wonderful year of my life. So much has changed. Mentally I am stronger than ever before, I’ve gone longer without episodes than ever before and all my therapy over the years and teaching myself how to manage my emotions has paid off.
My BPD doesn’t bother me as much these days as I have learmt to accept it and understand myself, I suppose this comes with maturity too. I am not out of the dark, I still have bad days, I still have the same traits and I know that I could suffer from an episode at any time, but I’m on my own road to recovery and I’m working at it all the time.
I have changed my life in so many ways,I let go of toxic relationships.. This is a crucial part of my recovery , I stopped allowing one small thing to ruin a whole day and I had to stop looking for reassurance from others, stop cutting myself up over something that someone said or fretting because someone didn’t like me…or I THOUGHT someone didn’t like something I said or did. I trust my own judgement.
I focus on positivity now and try to find positives in shitty situations. I forced myself to go out and make friends, I joined classes with the baby, it was the perfect opportunity to speak to other people in similar situations and I didn’t feel as alone anymore.
but most importantly I have a grip on my anxiety. I am able to go out more and I have a reason to again! My little boy needs to explore and interact with other children. And I need some Mammy time. meeting other Mams has been good for me, I have come to realise that you must do whats right for YOUR family. you don’t need to fit in. You don’t need people to agree with YOUR choices. If it works for you then it works!
It’s easy to lose sight of self-care. Life gets busy being a mam & working (aswell as dealing with mental health issues) but it’s important to stay focused on your road to recovery, even if you’re doing OK for the moment. Look out for triggers and avoid negative or toxic situations. that you don’t need to be in
Recovery from BPD is a lifestyle. I just wanted to share this to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will always be an emotionally sensitive person but with my self-awareness , I am capable of handling my emotions in a more healthy and positive way.
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